Things I learned in my speed awareness course **rant**

That’s right boys. I’m a regular speed racer. Got done for doing 33 in a 30 So was carted off to a speed awareness course to avoid the three points, and only had to pay the bastards with my firstborn child to do it. Good thing is I learned some valuable information that will help me ride safer.

1. Cars don’t cut off bikers because they don’t see them or wait long enough to see them. No no. Car drivers see the bike and then assess that due to the small size the bike poses no threat (unlike an 18 wheeler) and therefore decide to drive like assholes because they’d win the biker/ car head to head. *
2. Bikers have no redeeming qualities and certainly don’t cut down on congestion or parking issues. Don’t value someone on a bike. *
3. Filtering is a nuisance and it’s silly that it’s legal. *
4. Every road user it distracted by eating, talking on the phone, listening to and changing the station on the radio, talking to the kids in the back seat, shiny dashboard read outs, comfy airbags, and blind spots. Yes, this includes bikers. *
5. Bikers should adorn their rides with flashy lights and weird arrangements of ornaments to help cars see them. What do we think, normal car drivers have X-ray vision?!? *
6. The only reason anyone’s is ever on the road is to get where they are going as quickly as possible. Ever. Ever ever. *

* items discussed by trainers during presentation in terms as mentioned above

Good thing there was no time wasted on how speed effects the stopping distance ON A BIKE or how lane position at speed effects visibility ON A BIKE or why filtering at a safe speed is a positive thing for everyone during the nauseatingly boring 4 hours “class.”

But at least I’m not bitter!

The SAC (of shit) seems to vary drastically depending on your tutors (instructors?).

I too was fuming most of the way through my first one and that was without any anti-biker nonsense, by the second one it was a case of "ok, let's get this over with" and "oh look, that bloke is as wound up as I was on my first one" lol

Re your points above:
No.1 is sadly true and the rest make it sound like the 'tutors' were twonks and have never ridden bikes.

How was the complementary coffee at half time?
At least you get a snazzy pen to remind you of your heinous speeding offence and day of silent fury sat through an anti-bike tirade by older gentlemen in sweaters- kind of makes you wish you were doing like 70 in a 20 zone to make it worth while eh.

Who needs "points"? Or MOT?
Strange country.
;-)

They took all the pens back at the end and the coffee was £2.50.

I have already decided I would take the points.

There is absolutely no way I could keep my lip buttoned.

I'd probably start by asking what makes them qualified to run a teaching course people are paying money for.

It would be interesting to see what happened if you asked for your money back under goods and services legislation on the basis that the content of the course was inaccurate,poorly presented and generally not of merchentable quality. After all, you are paying them to deliver a speed awareness course. If it's shite, I see no reason why you shouldn't be entitled to your money back. I'd do the same if I attended a professional course and it was a load of rubbish tought by someone who was unqualified and inaccurate.

33 in a 30 zone? Yep, that would leave you with 8 more to speed up to until it is 21 Euros...

I would pay good money to see Stinkwheel arguing with the tutor. His constant use of science and logic when pointing out the error of someone's position is always entertaining to watch.

Big Chris wrote:I would pay good money to see Stinkwheel arguing with the tutor.  His constant use of science and logic when pointing out the error of someone's position is always entertaining to watch.

Must be like arguing with a drunk Vulcan.

Id do the course if Scott was there, Id fucking love to watch that conversation

Took the pens back and charged for coffee- my god it really is grim oop north

Monglord wrote:Took the pens back and charged for coffee- my god it really is grim oop north

They were in the Midlands. It's not even the North

Big Chris wrote:

Monglord wrote:Took the pens back and charged for coffee- my god it really is grim oop north

They were in the Midlands. It's not even the North

everything past Watford Gap Services is THE NORTH

I believe that you Southerners pronounce it "Ver Norff, innitt"

Interestingly Southerners* can't pronounce the word "North" on account of missing out the R.

As is further evidenced by their inability to pronounce "Curlywurly". Ask one, they'll say "Cuuly wuuly".



Scots on the other hand, cannot say "Burglar Alarm"... The English can't either but they convince themselves they can by saying "Buugluh laahm".

* Southern: Anywhere South of Berwick on Tweed.

See what you've started Leigh?
A seemingly innocent 3 mph over the limit has led to border skirmishing.

Oh the humanity of it or sumfing guvnor.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qPVDdqh3-wQ

Even after 4 years on this god foresaken island, I still can’t understand half of what you guys say.

theyank wrote:Even after 4 years on this god foresaken island, I still can’t understand half of what you guys say.

But can you understand what we do?

Big Chris wrote:

theyank wrote:Even after 4 years on this god foresaken island, I still can’t understand half of what you guys say.

But can you understand what we do?

NO If someone can fill me in that'd be great.........And God foresaken YES but also trump free since 2016.

Just think your self lucky!! 4 hours, thats nothing.

Ive picked up 6 points in the last few months (nothing to do with the CBR1000) Im not allowed another speed awarness course because Iv done one in the last couple of years.

The one I went on was pretty good to be hounest both the trainers were advanced drivers and described bikers as "highly trained overall" they are all done by private companys so I'll bet the quality vairys vastly. mine was by AA driver tech who do corperate driver training for safty and fuel efficency

Im not looking forward to next years insurance premiums, Im pretty sure the fuckers are going to go for the full pound of flesh. The cost to me would make 4 hours a fairly good hourly rate

You been thrashing that Merc van too much?
Thought it was only the Sprinters that did 90 everywhere.

Monglord wrote:You been thrashing that Merc van too much?
Thought it was only the Sprinters that did 90 everywhere.

nah both sets of points on the bike tis fast you know and Im only just getting used to it.

Vito has the same engine as the sprinter and its pretty quick but it guzzles fuel if you thrash it, being always fully (over) loaded. tipped the scales at 2700kg last MOT and I wasnt even carrying any extras!

The throttle has variable positions between closed and fully open btw.

Monglord wrote:The throttle has variable positions between closed and fully open btw.

not sure ive had it fully open!

its not like ive been flying around the place got a 50 in a 40 ticket, it was 2am and the speed had just changed a mile or 2 from the camera no houses nothing bastard. next one was 38 in a 30 it was raining hard and I was looking at the road not my speed.

it pulls to legal speeds in no time, its not possible to thrash about without braking the limit, thinking I should sell it. but its the best bike Ive ever ridden once the fucking cam chain shuts up

moldwing wrote:

Monglord wrote:The throttle has variable positions between closed and fully open btw.

but its the best bike Ive ever ridden once the fucking cam chain shuts up

It is a modern (by our specs) watercooled Honda. They do tend to be rather good.

If you want, I can take a ride on it for a few minutes. Once my Honda-cursed hands have touched it, all the fail it will produce should slow it right down. Hell, it might not even start. That oughta slow you down!

I did one of those a couple of years ago.
Free tea and a nice biscuit selection, nice warm building, humorous instructors and overall good atmosphere.
The closest it came to a blame culture was announcing at the beginning that we were all adults and that we all knew why we were there so there's no point going over that all morning. Although they did royally take the piss when they found out someone was on their 2nd awareness course.

Motorbikes were mentioned several times and 'filtering is legal and allowed' formed part of the general awareness part of the day, they actually rubbed this one in a bit and I got the impression is usually caused the usual outrage amongst some twats.Other references to bikes formed comments about awareness and vulnerability to injury etc. And there was no derogatory references to any road user at all, whether it be pedestrian, pushbike or equestrian etc.
There were some HGV drivers and white van man on the course and they were the only ones that got bombarded with vehicle and licence related Qs, basically because they had no fucking clue what their stopping distances were when fully laden and a couple of other serious HGV related regulations.

They did bang on a bit a the end about how qualified they have to be and the prerequisites needed before they can instruct on an awareness course so if I was you I'd make a complaint a the correct level saying how they spoke about certain road users as being 2nd class etc etc.